How are you?

My instant answer is always fine.....Fuckedup Insane neurotic Emotional, I think that's what my best bud told me fine stands for. Oh so true and the safe answer. Can you tell my blog has been full of filler. I am struggling big time. I never thought in a million years I would be going through this battle. I had a total relapse of my ED, snuck up on me maybe from November wasn't crises till end December or January. I have a hard time saying it all out loud but I am getting help. I have been in therapy since February, I like her she makes me feel like I can do this. She helped me see things from my past that helped make me this way. She is treating me for complex post traumatic stress syndrome. I was honestly relieved to hear this although quiet shocked, but relieved that there was a reason in a way and working through everything will help me. This way I can find out why I want to disappear and learn to give me what I deserve. Danny is awesome we are struggling of coarse since the disordered me is our central focus. I am currently in the process of what is called refeeding, how nasty does that sound. It is slow going but I have been told I am staying on top of it and do not need in patient clinic. Today I quite my second job, it was all part of my ED control anyway. I see my therapist every week and today I found out I am to see a nutritionist and do weekly weigh in with my therapist. So, that is what is up with me just getting my healthy me to dominate the disordered me and hoping my family can survive the journey. It' all very emotionally draining and scary. I would like to say this isn't me I'm not that girl but....I am.

yup i am fine.....soon to be good<3