<3 Thank you thank you thank you thank you....
You are all awesome wonderful people. You have no idea how great it was to come home to your messages every night. We had some long days with the wake and funeral. It helped me more then you will ever know. I am forever grateful to have you all as my blends.
I didn't mean to worry anyone by not posting. I just don't know what to say. Well, you've read my blog I'm not the greatest at getting my thoughts out. I seem to hold back. Every time I sit down to write nothing sounds right. I was reading all your blogs though but again every time I went to comment my post seemed dumb or pointless. So, anyway just didn't know where to go with my post.
I am doing fine. Today was good, I have my moments. Chad was a huge part of my life. Life will never ever be the same without him. His house is a mile from mine and when I pass his work my heart races. Danny seems to be holding up fine. They were buddies and Chad was in our wedding. I felt bad that Danny had to miss some of the wake for school. The program he is in only allows one bereavement day. Then when it was time for Natasha to go to bed he went home. I feel like he missed a lot of the services. Even during prayer and when me and Lori(she flew in Tuesday night) got up to talk he had to take Natasha outside. He missed a lot. It was hard and I often felt like I was dealing with it all alone. I missed his shoulder and had my hands full with Natasha. The days where long, wake was Thursday and Friday 2-9 and funeral was Saturday 11:30am and we got home at 5:30pm. Most nights I would go back to Uncle Duane's. He was in better spirits with us kids there. As you can see from his picture fitness was a big part of Chad life. He ate healthy and lifted weights and I was trying to get him to do a 5K, because he was up to 5 miles a run. Lori was staying at my place and she use to go to the same gym as Chad, so Thursday morning before the wake we went to his gym for a workout. We don't know why we just wanted to. Sometimes it isn't real. I can say he is gone but often a piece of me doesn't feel like he is really gone. It is hard to explain how I feel and it depends on the moment. I could go on and on about Chad all day he was such a great guy. Well I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'm tired and need to get to bed. I will do better about posting I have been trying to make my way to everyone's blogs. Thank you to everyone who put me and my family in your thoughts wish I could hug each and everyone of you.
I didn't mean to worry anyone by not posting. I just don't know what to say. Well, you've read my blog I'm not the greatest at getting my thoughts out. I seem to hold back. Every time I sit down to write nothing sounds right. I was reading all your blogs though but again every time I went to comment my post seemed dumb or pointless. So, anyway just didn't know where to go with my post.
I am doing fine. Today was good, I have my moments. Chad was a huge part of my life. Life will never ever be the same without him. His house is a mile from mine and when I pass his work my heart races. Danny seems to be holding up fine. They were buddies and Chad was in our wedding. I felt bad that Danny had to miss some of the wake for school. The program he is in only allows one bereavement day. Then when it was time for Natasha to go to bed he went home. I feel like he missed a lot of the services. Even during prayer and when me and Lori(she flew in Tuesday night) got up to talk he had to take Natasha outside. He missed a lot. It was hard and I often felt like I was dealing with it all alone. I missed his shoulder and had my hands full with Natasha. The days where long, wake was Thursday and Friday 2-9 and funeral was Saturday 11:30am and we got home at 5:30pm. Most nights I would go back to Uncle Duane's. He was in better spirits with us kids there. As you can see from his picture fitness was a big part of Chad life. He ate healthy and lifted weights and I was trying to get him to do a 5K, because he was up to 5 miles a run. Lori was staying at my place and she use to go to the same gym as Chad, so Thursday morning before the wake we went to his gym for a workout. We don't know why we just wanted to. Sometimes it isn't real. I can say he is gone but often a piece of me doesn't feel like he is really gone. It is hard to explain how I feel and it depends on the moment. I could go on and on about Chad all day he was such a great guy. Well I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'm tired and need to get to bed. I will do better about posting I have been trying to make my way to everyone's blogs. Thank you to everyone who put me and my family in your thoughts wish I could hug each and everyone of you.
posted by Mari at 9:30 PM
8 Comments:
Mari, I don't know what to say with all you have been thru lately...you are always in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))
Mari, you mustn't feel badly at all for trying to post on places and not finding the words.
You have had an experience I can't relate to, but the one thing I can say is, that when someone passes, they are never gone, because they do live on in your own mind.
You remember them now and again, and that's the best thing. They stay with you always.
I'm not even remotely religious, nor have I ever lost someone really close, but I know people who have passed on, that were part of my extended family, are never forgotten and although occasionally I remember the way things turned out for them, I also remember the good things, and that's important.
You can always move on, and become stronger for it, but you never have to forget or put those memories aside, because they stay with you a lifetime, and in some ways that can sometimes be reassuring, especially when times are tough for other reasons.
So honestly, please don't apologise for how things have been. If I accepted any apology it would be selfish, as you have nothing to apologise for.
You've been dealing with things as best you can, and nobody gets prepared for these moments, but you have done what you thought was best, and importantly you clearly did your very best, to keep your daughter emotionally protected from the circumstances, and that's a testimony to the sort of person you are.
You'll find your own inner balance again, and come through this. It takes time, but you're getting there, and of course my continued wishes and luck are extended to you, at hopefully the conclusion of your situation.
The main thing now is, to be strong for Natasha, and to keep making those impressive results you are getting physically.
YOU CAN DO IT, and everyone here, knows you're capable of so much, and your inner strength, courage and heart, will be big factors in your progress, but you have a lot of physical potential, great results already, and you are a brilliant Mother, and you can ask no more of yourself than that.
You should be very, very proud of the person you are Mari, and I'm sure Chad never thought anything but the same.
Take care :-).
Matt
Mari,
I hope you don't feel like you need to come up with the right words for the likes of us. Just a sign that you're still with us is fine. I hope you feel a little bit better everyday and somehow manage to live with yet another hole in your life.
More hugs!
Laurie
Mari, my prayers are with you and your family. Good to hear that you are doing OK...we were worried about you.
Mari...my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. I just lost my Father (unexpectedly), so I know how much it hurts. I am sending you a HUGE hug your way!! Please find peace in knowing that you have a lot of friends who are keeping you in their thoughts (me included). Dede
Hi Hon..thanks for letting us know how you're doin. :)
We 're still here..& still thinking of you & Yours
Hugs
Lala*
I think you do a great job of expressing yourself through your blog. But I know what you mean. I feel the exact same when it comes to writing my thoughts. I'm much smoother in my head than on paper or computer...
I'm glad you're holding up OK. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I wish I could find better words... wish I could give you a hug... wish I could take away your sorrow.
Please know you and your family continue to be in my thoughts.
xo, Rachel
Mari..there are times when you just don't have to say anything at all...just to know you're ok is enough. You've had a lot to deal with, and with so many thoughts and emotions running around in your mind, who can blame you when you don't have words left? I'm thinking of you and yours.....xoxoxo
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