<3 Thank you thank you thank you thank you....

You are all awesome wonderful people. You have no idea how great it was to come home to your messages every night. We had some long days with the wake and funeral. It helped me more then you will ever know. I am forever grateful to have you all as my blends.

I didn't mean to worry anyone by not posting. I just don't know what to say. Well, you've read my blog I'm not the greatest at getting my thoughts out. I seem to hold back. Every time I sit down to write nothing sounds right. I was reading all your blogs though but again every time I went to comment my post seemed dumb or pointless. So, anyway just didn't know where to go with my post.

I am doing fine. Today was good, I have my moments. Chad was a huge part of my life. Life will never ever be the same without him. His house is a mile from mine and when I pass his work my heart races. Danny seems to be holding up fine. They were buddies and Chad was in our wedding. I felt bad that Danny had to miss some of the wake for school. The program he is in only allows one bereavement day. Then when it was time for Natasha to go to bed he went home. I feel like he missed a lot of the services. Even during prayer and when me and Lori(she flew in Tuesday night) got up to talk he had to take Natasha outside. He missed a lot. It was hard and I often felt like I was dealing with it all alone. I missed his shoulder and had my hands full with Natasha. The days where long, wake was Thursday and Friday 2-9 and funeral was Saturday 11:30am and we got home at 5:30pm. Most nights I would go back to Uncle Duane's. He was in better spirits with us kids there. As you can see from his picture fitness was a big part of Chad life. He ate healthy and lifted weights and I was trying to get him to do a 5K, because he was up to 5 miles a run. Lori was staying at my place and she use to go to the same gym as Chad, so Thursday morning before the wake we went to his gym for a workout. We don't know why we just wanted to. Sometimes it isn't real. I can say he is gone but often a piece of me doesn't feel like he is really gone. It is hard to explain how I feel and it depends on the moment. I could go on and on about Chad all day he was such a great guy. Well I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'm tired and need to get to bed. I will do better about posting I have been trying to make my way to everyone's blogs. Thank you to everyone who put me and my family in your thoughts wish I could hug each and everyone of you.

My Wonderful cousin Chad

I Love you Chad

10/16/1985-2/14/2006

When I Must Leave You

When I must leave you For a little while,

Please do not grieve And shed wild tears

And hug your sorrow to you Through the years,

But start out bravely With a smile.
And for my sake And in my name,

Live on and do All the things the same.
Feed not your loneliness On empty days,

But fill each waking hour In useful ways.
Reach out your hand in comfort And in cheer,

And I, in turn, will comfort you And hold you near.

And never, never Be afraid to die,

For I am waiting for you In the sky.
~ Helen Steiner Rice ~

I can't even get thoughts out in words here......

Can you send me some sugar. I'm having a really hard time making lemonade.

Bring it on packing it on

Happy Monday everybody. The start of a new week and for most the half way point of there 12 week challenge. Bring it ON!!! That's right bring it on. Just tell me how and I'm there. If only it were that simple. What works for me? I don't have the foggiest idea. I feel huge and my weight this weekend was 138. I haven't been this heavy since I got pregnant. Yes I do have more muscle, but you can't see it. Danny has convinced me to hold out with my plan 2 more weeks. I am however going to make sure all cardio is done first thing in the morning for 45-60 min. Hoping this is the edge I need to start dropping some fat. In 2 weeks I am going to get my BF% done at the gym and then I can see how I am really doing. Did you know the best time to test your body fat is at the end of the day. It is higher in the morning when your not hydrated. I always thought the morning was better. I feel smaller when I first wake up. I know it all takes time maybe I'm being inpatient. My first challenge I was excited at this point and having consistent changes. I think that is way I am frustrated. So, anyway that is that and all I can do is give these next 2 weeks my all and see where it brings me. What else is there to do, just have to keep moving forward. I figure that since I am getting stronger and feel more muscle that no matter where I go from here at least I will have some muscle to hopefully help me drop some fat in the long run. OK moving on I'm done fretting over it I'm over myself and moving forward.

We had a bit of excitement Friday night. Natasha had her first visit to the emergency room. She had been sick a few weeks ago, but since had been feeling better. Then Thursday she seemed stuffy and congested. She was waking a lot at night, which I attributed to the molar you can see rounding up her gum, but not yet cutting through. Anyway Friday it all hit her pretty hard. She was stuffy coughing and needed two naps both lasted over 2 hours. Friday night she was playing and seemed to get out of breath. She could not speak a word without trying to draw in a new breath. As she took in air her stomach pulled in some from the side with some wheezing. I called the doctor while Danny gathered her and started the car. We were sent to the hospital Danny got us there quickly which scared the hell out of me. He was afraid she would go into a full asthma attack. Luckily the hospital is 3 miles away. She was quite the trooper when we got there. She cried a lot at 1 1/2 years old she even cries when approached by a stethascope. Overall though she handle it all very well. When they backed off she stopped crying and even talked and waved at the nurses station. She had a nebulizer treatment for the wheezing and it helped right away. She was given a shot of steroids in the leg to help her lungs. She had a chest X-ray and pulse oxcimeter reading. They looked at her ears and throat along with the routine temp and respiration. So yeah, she cried poor babycakes. She has since only needed one treatment and is taking antibiotics, steroids and the nebulizer treatments. We were told she has a double ear infection and an upper respiratory infection. Her chest X-Ray is clear, thank goodness. As for the wheezing this is the first time it has happened, but looks like she may take after her dad. He has child onset asthma and is a nebulizer pro. She is holding up well still coughing and congested, but she is letting me type all this, so she is playing nicely for now. She can't go to day care this week. This means my challenge for the week is to workout before Danny goes to school. I may have to go to bed when Natasha does but if I stay organized this is doable. Today was hard after working two 16 hour shifts your body get pretty pissed for getting up at 5am. I will be surviving today by way of caffeine. I did the 60 min. cycle class at 5:30am and glad I stuck to me promise to get out of bed.

OK she gave me some time but time to run.

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Asses and ass kicking

I need a kick in the ass. I always seem to screw up the day after free day. Today I ate 2 bowls of bran flakes and hand full of Cheerios and some bites of cottage cheese 1 hour after eating my oatmeal and egg whites. Speaking of asses mine doesn't fit in my pants. I put on a pair of skinny jeans and they were tight because my ass is bigger. The thigh were tight too because of my quads. I wish I was getting smaller, but that doesn't seem to be happening. Since we all love pictures here it is. It is bigger looking in person then in the picture.

At the gym today day care said Natasha cried on and off the entire time. If she does this they can call me off the floor. There isn't much I can do about it. I think she is starting to cut her other molar. She woke up at least 4 times last night. She does have a runny nose again and I gave her some motrin when we got home.

Chest
dumbbell bench press 20x20 20x25 12x30
incline barbell press 17x45 10x55 4x60
dumbbell fly 12x17.5
vertical fly 15x60

Triceps
skull crush 20x25+15 tricep bench press 3x35+20 tricep press
kick backs 20x12.5 20x15 10x20
20 dips off the bench

Shoulders
standing barbell rows 30x30 23x35 9x40 11x40(let up do to pain in rt shoulder)
lateral raise 19x10 10x12.5 8x15
20 push ups

25min. run over 3 miles

Latest update from the local paper in MA

LOCAL NEWS

BREAKING NEWS - NEIL ENTWISTLE ARRESTED: Used father-in-law’s gun to murder wife, baby daughter, prosecutor says


Entwistle
By ROBERT SEARS
The Patriot Ledger

Neil Entwistle was arrested today at a London subway stop on charges of shooting his wife and baby daughter to death with her stepfather’s gun.

Entwistle was in financial trouble and may have intended to kill himself, Middlesex Distict Attorney Martha Coakley said today.

‘‘He did not,’’ Coakley said. ‘‘He flew to the United Kingdom on an 8:15 a.m. flight Saturday morning,’’ the day before the bodies were found.

Coakley said Entwistle shot his wife, Rachel, and 9-month-old daughter Lillian in their Hopkinton home Friday morning, Jan. 20.

The gun was from his father-in-law, Joseph Matterazzo’s, collection but it’s unclear when Entwistle first obtained it. Matterazzo did not know the gun had been taken, she said.

Entwistle had used the gun with Materazzo previously ‘‘on at least one occasion,’’ Coakley said.

He returned the gun to his in-law’s home later that Friday when the couple was not home, she added.

Entwistle will probably appear in court for a bail hearing tomorrow in England, she said.

Investigators here sought a warrant in Framingham District Court after finding ‘‘forensic information’’ late Tuesday that linked Joseph Materazzo’s 22-caliber gun to the one used in the murders, Coakley said.

Matterazzo kept his guns in a locked cabinet, Coakley said.

Coakley said there was no evidence that Entwistle had tried to clean up after shooting his wife and daughter. ‘‘It was not a bloody crime scene,’’ she said.

She again defended the search by Hopkinton police, who went through the house on Jan. 21 after relatives called to report the family missing. The bodies were found Jan. 22 under blankets on a bed.

‘‘It would be very easy to miss,’’ Coakley said.

There was no sign of any problem between the couple, she said, or any indication that Neil Entwistle had mental health problems or was taking anti-depressants.

Asked whether Entwistle was ‘‘a desperate man,’’ Coakley said: ‘‘I think that would be a fair conclusion.’’

And she added: ‘‘It’s our worst nightmare in some respects - mother, child,’’ Coakley said. ‘‘It's a very sad situation.’’

Suggesting a motive, Coakley said Entwistle owed money in England and apparently had no way to repay it or support himself and his family.

‘‘Basically it was not a huge amount’’ but his Internet businesses ‘‘were failing’’ and he had no job, Coakley said.

She said Rachel Entwistle and her family were apparently unaware of the couple’s debt problems.

‘‘If the financial world around him was crumbling, he may have been the only one aware of that,’’ Coakley said.

Entwistle was the subject of complaints by customers of his site on eBay, the Internet auction site, but Coakley said none of his debts were large enough to be a motive for murder.

‘‘There were dissatisfied customers, but not to the extent that it would explain what happened in Hopkinton,’’ she said.

Entwistle was arrested at 6:50 a.m. Eastern Time, 11:50 a.m. Greenwich time, at the Royal Oak subway station by the Metropolitan Police Extradition Unit, which is affiliated with Scotland Yard, Coakley said.

She said he was on his way to visit friends and had left his parents’ home in Worksop ‘‘trying to get away from the press.’’

The Metropolitan Police said Entwistle was being held at a London police station.

Coakley said it could take months for Entwistle to be extradicted, but she expects he might return much sooner. She said he has little grounds to fight extradition.

Entwistle is also being charged with illegal possession of a firearm and possession of ammunition.

A spokesman for Rachel Entwistle’s family would not comment, but said they would release a statement later today.

Rachel, Neil and Lillian Entwistle lived in Carver with her mother, Priscilla, and stepfather, Joseph Matterazzo, before moving to Hopkinton about a week before the murders.

Richard Kelley, principal of Silver Lake Regional High School, where Rachel Entwistle graduated in 1997, said the arrest ‘‘brings a little bit of closure to the situation.’’ But he added: ‘‘A mother and her daughter were killed and it doesn’t make me feel any better.

‘‘No matter who did it, it’s a sad situation.’’

Entwistle had been identified as a ‘‘person of interest’’ ever since Rachel and Lillian Entwistle were found shot to death in the master bedroom of their Hopkinton home Jan. 22.

Investigators found Entwistle’s car at Logan Airport and later determined he took a British Airways flight to his homeland sometime the weekend of the murders.

He was in seclusion at his parents’ home in Worksop and did not show up for questioning by Massachusetts detectives on Jan. 27 at the U.S. Embassy in London. Nor did he return for the funeral of his wife and daughter last week in Plymouth.

Rachel Entwistle, 27, grew up in Kingston and lived in England, where she met Entwistle. The couple and their baby moved back to Massachusetts to be close to her family.

Copyright 2006 The Patriot Ledger
Transmitted Thursday, February 09, 2006

I hurt....so good

I had a great class today. It was called strong, this class takes all your muscles to failure. My day was technically back and bicep with the option of adding my leg workout. Since I did the class I just did some floor weights to really hit my legs back and biceps. My body feels it too. We did an awesome ab workout in class. We had to lean back while sitting on the stepper at 45 degree angel. Our feet where under our barbell then we did crunches front and side with10lb weights. Oh did it hurt so good. I'm glad I went I would not have done a better job on my own. My cramps are bad it is my first TOM since being off the pill and it sucks. I had no PMS, but the cramps are bad. I weighed in Monday at 133. I was hoping that was muscle but now I know it was bloat. I have been doing good with my food. I haven't had an off day in 13 days. I didn't plan it this way just worked out that way. I'm glad I did that is quite an accomplishment for me, because I usually start a free day at 3pm and it is all out till 12am. I start at 3 because I like a good pre and post workout meal and I know once free time begins there is no stopping me.

Danny got me a new ring. He gave it to me and told me he got it for me because the purple and yellow stone reminded him off me. Isn't that the sweetest. I can't wait to get it sized (it's an 8 and I'm a 5). It is silver and the first silver ring he has ever gotten me. I love it, and him too :D
Thanks to everyone who crossed there fingers, but no babysitter :(. I was really looking forward to meeting some girls my age and having a good time with Danny. They call me his mysterious wife because he talks about me but None of them have actually seem me. Maybe next time.

Edit:
This is the best picture I could get. Who knew ring photography could be so difficult. The flowers he gave me a few days ago just because. They still look great!

I keep upoading but something is wrong it says done but no picture. I will try again later.

Monday is my Saturday

HapPY MoNDay!!!! I hAD WaY tO MUch COfFEE :D

Today is my Saturday since I work all weekend.

Woke tired but ran out the door anyway. I was glad I did because the cycle class I went to was hills and it was wicked hard. It felt great then did some abs before heading home. I took measurements today for the site that check BF%. One said that my body fat was the same, the other said it was now 30%. The start of the challenge was the first time I used this method to measure. I wish I hadn't because now I don't know where I stand. I know it dropped I can myself that there is less to pinch. I would rather use the same way to test but I think I am just going to get it done at the gym. So, how does that work anyway how can a measure of the body part tell you how much of it is fat?

I finally get to go out. I think I have a babysitter for Wednesday night. We are going to the Locker room with his friends from Danny's school. It looks like fun and I have not been out in months. It is really hard with Danny's school and we don't know many people here. Lori knew a lot more people out here and she usually took me out or would watch Natasha so we could escape. I don't know what this place has for music but I have been dyeing to do some dancing. Cross your fingers that my babysitter pulls through.

photo time :P bicep ramble :D workouts :)

Yeah I totally skipped posting the 4 week pictures. I was disappointed in my lack of progress. I thought I would have changes because my 4 weeks in challenge one I did pretty good. This time I gave up alcohol and stayed away from processed carbs. I felt I had a better grip on my workouts and I am defiantly able to work harder. But, nope they don't show much of anything. Maybe I will do 6 weeks photos. I also had to get my picture taken without a shower and my face is still flushed from my cycle class, but Danny had to get to his homework. Congratulations to all of you with awesome changes you are all doing awesome.

I have a funny story. Last night I said to Danny (while he is trying to study) "I think I am getting better at hitting my bicep. I think it looks better"

Danny "Yeah, so when do you work them again?"

Me "Well I worked them Saturday next time is technically Friday because today is rest day, Sunday I ran, Monday was chest shoulder triceps, I can't do upper body splits on back to back days, so tomorrow is legs, but I just might to back and biceps too. That way I can get it in sooner, but if I do that I will probably not do the cycle class. That should be fine though because I want do my HIIT on the treadmill Friday, to see how far I can go. Anyway so it depends maybe tomorrow."

OK at this point he says "Did I ever show you that stand up comic that talks about how he asks his wife how her day was and she goes on and on and he wasn't looking to hear every little thing she did"

Yeah it went something like that and we both got a good laugh out of it.

In the end he said "so you probably work them again tomorrow"

me "yup"

OK so sometimes wives ramble it was funny. Probably more funny when it happened, but thought I would share my workout ramble with ya.

Legs
squat w/ barbell 30x60 warm up .....change diaper
standing single leg curl 10x30 8x35 6x35
super squat 25x70 20x90 20x110
leg extension 10x50 8x165 6x180............no Teresa I did not try 210

Back
wide pull down 20x75 10x90 6 97.5
bent over barbell row 20x40 14x50 6x60
bent over dumbbell lateral raise 14x15
bicep
barbell curl 20x30 15x35 (plus 5 1/2 down and contract up) 9x40
incline dumbbell curl 15x20 10x25 0x30..But I tried
super set hammer curl 15x15

assist pull up 15 assist of 82lb
13 assist of 70lb